so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
