you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
