he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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