feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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