dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want her autograph on my taint
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
