Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
