Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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