i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
