Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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