An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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