My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was like eating out sand paper
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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