Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
