i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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