just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
