it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He had one of those small greek statue penises
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
