My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
