PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
