i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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