addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize