I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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