1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
