I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he had hair everywhere except his balls
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
