just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
