guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
