i just wanna soil my oats bro
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
