she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
