There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
