She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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