Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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