I'm lost and stupid without you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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