its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize