This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
