I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
