We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
