I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
