Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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