if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
