she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
