Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
