Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
