Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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