I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
