Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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