Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
