guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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