I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize