I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
