Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need a beard to bite.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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