I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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