just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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