It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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