You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
