like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
