Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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