You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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