I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
