My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I could fuck to npr.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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