well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
