So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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