you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I didn't notice because vodka
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize