I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
