It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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