I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
