someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
