I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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