we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
