There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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