It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
