That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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