do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
