I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
