Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
