What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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