Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
