You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
